I absolutely struggle with this problem, although recently I've had to come to a sort of reckoning with it when I made the decision to leave behind the novel I've been working on throughout my 20s (I just turned 30). So much of my self-worth was tied to that novel during the years of its creation, and it would have been unthinkable even just one year ago to accept that I could let it go. But when I did it felt like such a liberation, and the avenues to all of my other postponed projects felt suddenly flung wide open to me (there's the creative addiction swooping right back in haha).
I'm not sure how much importance you yourself put on the publishing of a work of art as opposed to its creation, but I'm definitely trying to allow myself to enjoy the creative process more without crushing myself under the weight of what I think the final piece should be or should achieve.
I am very curious as to why you chose to leave it behind. I am also considering that with my first full-length fiction novel I finished last year. I had been writing it for a span of 10 years, but it was definitely a book that encapsulates some trauma— I question if it is really the greatest reflection of my writing today. But finishing it felt like such an accomplishment!
I definitely wouldn't want to prescribe letting go of first novels as something everyone must do, but I eventually realised it was the right thing for me. I was just trying to put too much energy into a project that was so inextricably bound up with a version of me that was so far removed from where I am now. But leaving it behind made me more grateful for it in a way, because now instead of thinking of it primarily as a burden I can try to accept it as a necessary tool for my growth. And even if it never ends up having a final version fit for public consumption it is at least a deep and very significant part of me that I don't regret.
Well, whether you do end up leaving your novel behind or persevering with it I hope it works out well for you! But either way, finishing a first novel is such a significant milestone that it should be celebrated regardless of what becomes of the novel itself.
I can relate to your sentiment completely. I often feel the same way. I usually feel when I publish a book, that it is a “sending off” of the experiences I endured at the time, and the person that I once was. There is a quote that I love and it goes as follows, “If your book helps one person in any way, shape, or form, then it is worth it. Sometimes that person is yourself.” This was written by someone on reddit.
A demon is nothing more than a frustrated creative child. Creating every day is how you keep the demon at bay..and commune with the divine. No wonder we’re addicted!
On the flip side, if one doesn't create regularly, preferably daily, that demon has no qualms about burning your life and relationships down. I spent decades as an angry grouchy person due to not understanding this. And "the demon" nearly burned down my marriage. I now understand that creativity is the proper outlet for this powerful energy of eros.
I absolutely struggle with this problem, although recently I've had to come to a sort of reckoning with it when I made the decision to leave behind the novel I've been working on throughout my 20s (I just turned 30). So much of my self-worth was tied to that novel during the years of its creation, and it would have been unthinkable even just one year ago to accept that I could let it go. But when I did it felt like such a liberation, and the avenues to all of my other postponed projects felt suddenly flung wide open to me (there's the creative addiction swooping right back in haha).
I'm not sure how much importance you yourself put on the publishing of a work of art as opposed to its creation, but I'm definitely trying to allow myself to enjoy the creative process more without crushing myself under the weight of what I think the final piece should be or should achieve.
I am very curious as to why you chose to leave it behind. I am also considering that with my first full-length fiction novel I finished last year. I had been writing it for a span of 10 years, but it was definitely a book that encapsulates some trauma— I question if it is really the greatest reflection of my writing today. But finishing it felt like such an accomplishment!
I definitely wouldn't want to prescribe letting go of first novels as something everyone must do, but I eventually realised it was the right thing for me. I was just trying to put too much energy into a project that was so inextricably bound up with a version of me that was so far removed from where I am now. But leaving it behind made me more grateful for it in a way, because now instead of thinking of it primarily as a burden I can try to accept it as a necessary tool for my growth. And even if it never ends up having a final version fit for public consumption it is at least a deep and very significant part of me that I don't regret.
Well, whether you do end up leaving your novel behind or persevering with it I hope it works out well for you! But either way, finishing a first novel is such a significant milestone that it should be celebrated regardless of what becomes of the novel itself.
I can relate to your sentiment completely. I often feel the same way. I usually feel when I publish a book, that it is a “sending off” of the experiences I endured at the time, and the person that I once was. There is a quote that I love and it goes as follows, “If your book helps one person in any way, shape, or form, then it is worth it. Sometimes that person is yourself.” This was written by someone on reddit.
A demon is nothing more than a frustrated creative child. Creating every day is how you keep the demon at bay..and commune with the divine. No wonder we’re addicted!
I completely agree with this! That’s certainly how it feels!!
On the flip side, if one doesn't create regularly, preferably daily, that demon has no qualms about burning your life and relationships down. I spent decades as an angry grouchy person due to not understanding this. And "the demon" nearly burned down my marriage. I now understand that creativity is the proper outlet for this powerful energy of eros.