The Addiction to Creation, A DSM Analysis
a poetry and essay submission for STSC Symposium: Habit
Are you addicted to art and the habitual creation of it? Do you milk an over-indulgence in inspiration? Then perhaps you are a creative workaholic, like me. Let’s dive into it. First, a poem I produced on the predicament:
The Addiction to Creation
"The miniature corpse of my motivation
Wades into an infertile nothingness
Skirting the outer banks of being
Like a habitual disease
I am searching thru scrapings of the psyche
Eager for that next hit
Of creative dopamine
And media only sells it in intermittent moments
So infused with ads & blossoming distractions
The only cure is in natural creation
But I cannot break it,
This habit of overindulgence
In the confessional craft-
The canvas is my salvation
And the prose my life raft
I bully myself into overproduction
Poisoned by the facades of a necessary divination-
Creation is my only escape
From a world so unfulfilling
To invent is to protest
A planet so absent
Of modern intellectual conquest
And in my inspired drunkenness
I seek camaraderie
In the mad ones
Who can understand unconditionally
The need to craft imagined conflict
In order to unlock the unconscious
Labyrinth"
Are you a creative workaholic? Here I’ve devised a list of symptoms— consider it a DSM of artistic disorder.
Feeling shame, depression, dissociation, and poor self-esteem when not creating art
Feeling the need to produce artistically every day
A constant, addictive collection of inspirations and influences
Withdrawing from social activities to instead produce art
Falling into depression when not surrounded by creative energy
Getting angry, irritated or upset when people suggest activities that deviate from artistic production
After finishing a creation, you move on to the next one quickly
Working on multiple projects at a time
Why though, do we over-produce creatively, even when our body and mind require rest? Why do we attempt to produce when we are drained of inspiration and motivation?
For as long as I remember, my brother and I have been addicted to creating. He is a musician, and I am primarily a writer who dabbles in other arts such as painting, music, etcetera. We were raised in an avid artistic family, and pinned near our bedrooms was a wide, humungous display of artistic awards; medals, and ribbons that our family had earned. For Christmas we would receive primarily art supplies; paints, journals, and musical instruments. We both had faltering self-esteem, but when we would produce artistically, we would get a hit of dopamine and our self-confidence would skyrocket. Now our family never forced us to create, nor degraded us for not doing so, but for some reason, it was such a good feeling that it became somewhat of an addiction. My theory is that for all creative workaholics, our self-esteem is directly tied to our artistic production. We know that it is our strong suit and our artistic creations are what we are applauded for the most. People compliment our art, elevating our self-confidence. Our sense of self is discovered and reflected upon through our art, and for artists who felt unseen and unheard in any other avenue throughout their lives, art is an escape, and very theraputic. So in a way, we are addicted to discovering ourselves and the world around us.
Now, I am no professional, but I speak from personal experience. I have also seen others face this same issue.
In my situation, my creative ritual is pretty set in stone. I must create every day, or I go mad and feel poorly. I very rarely allow myself to watch movies or television (although I do watch motivational and inspirational YouTube videos) I scold myself if, during my designated time of art-making, I stray from my ambitions for the night.
Luckily I am pretty versatile, and as a jack-of-all-trades artist, I have many mediums to choose from. Usually, I work with a different medium depending on my mood, and I have a list to refer to when I am lost for what to do. (Collaging, Poetry, Painting, Short Stories, Editing, Studying Art, Submitting to Literary Journals, etc.) But I almost always make time to write 2,000+ words of my romance novel at least once a week. It is a work in progress, and with the help of stimulants, I have written over 117,000 words in a year. For someone who is most proud of my writing, and because being an author is what I identify with the most, I rarely feel fulfilled unless I am writing my novel or writing 4+ poems a day. But I also try to get in multiple projects a day.
Now, to most, this may seem like a great habit to have, but it has its pitfalls. I get irritated or feel left out when I am surrounded by non-artists because I feel that they don’t understand an integral and important part of me. I get angry and depressed when I do not create for a long time, and I am bothered when I have plans if it doesn’t allow me time later in the day to create. I feel low self-worth when I do not create. My self-esteem is directly tied to my propensity for artistic production.
I often have people telling me how much they admire me for my constant creative output and they often compliment me on how I come out with projects quite often. They also admire that I delve into many mediums. But like most things, there is always a good and bad side to the equation. In all my years, I have rarely found people who face this same workaholic habit. But as always, I am always searching for more creatives to surround myself with. It would further motivate us, I imagine.
Do you consider yourself a creative workaholic? Do you face these same issues? Do you have any advice for those who experience this anomaly? Then comment your experience below!